FAQs: Part Two

These questions came from our friend Sharon in San Jose. We love hearing what you are wondering about…Keep them coming!

1. Anyone talking about Ebola?
It is on people’s minds, but not in an imminent threat capacity. The government has taken several preemptive steps, including banning travel from Ebola infected countries. We recently received an update from the US Embassy with reassurance and information. We are signed up to be part of their notification system and get periodic notices regarding security issues as well.

Currently, there are no confirmed cases of Ebola in Kenya, and the countries that are suffering are on the other side of a vast continent. It is, however, something everyone in Africa is closely monitoring and, as such, here is what the superintendent sent out in a letter to parents last week:

With concerns related to the Ebola virus continuing to be on the minds of many, I did want to assure you that Rosslyn has been keeping abreast of all news related to the disease (including reports from the various embassies) and has been developing responses for the still unlikely event that Ebola were to reach East Africa and touch our community. We have been particularly grateful to the US embassy for their reports on the disease and to the Association of International Schools of Kenya (of which we are a founding member) for their work. Thanks to communication within the AISK schools - and in particular the work of ISK - we have developed our own protocols based on various possible scenarios.

Currently, there have been no confirmed reports of Ebola in Kenya and the government has taken considerable action to try to ensure that the threat is minimized.  Under our protocol (with the threat level at low) all school activities and practices are continuing as normal.  If the threat level changes, we will, of course, be contacting our community to inform them of the school's next steps.  Thankfully, the threat to our community is minimal and we hope and pray that will continue to be the case.”

2. Have you found a church? I'm praying that you can find a group of women you can relate to and talk to easily.
We have been to the church on campus many times; it is a good international mix of people, run entirely by volunteers (even the preaching is done by non-paid staff), our neighbors run the worship team; it’s got a very community-based feel, which we like. However, as one teacher succinctly put it, “we live here, we work, here, we’d like to go to church elsewhere to be more involved in Nairobi’s community.” So, we are still looking, trying to find a good fit. We visited a large Kenyan church last Sunday with that same couple; it was good, but there are a few others we would like to check out a few more.

I’m hoping for a group of friends like that, too! There are a few women on campus who invited me to a Bible Study that meets in the next week or so. I’ve enjoyed getting to know two of them, so I am looking forward to that. There is also a mom’s group that meets on Thursdays that I will try out as a way to meet people as well.


3. What do you eat regularly?
We eat a lot of the same things that we ate in California, with the notable exception of not much Mexican food because it’s not available. Claire noticed tonight that we haven’t tried Chinese food here yet, so that is now on the list! The Ethiopian and Indian food we’ve had here is delicious. That said, we haven’t been eating out a ton, because we are really saving our pennies for travel—hoping to go on a safari soon! We are borrowing a great international cookbook that has given us many new dishes. Rosslyn has its own cookbook as well, a compilation of favorite recipes from the families who live and go here-it’s been fun to try those out as well, knowing that one of our neighbors submitted it; it’s like a glimpse into their kitchens!


4. Is there anything that you wish you could have that we could send?
Hmmm, I am making a list of things that seem hard/impossible to find. I think this list will get longer as we are here for some time and really start craving things. So far, the things that I wish for are kind of silly: Goldfish crackers (which my Mom is sending), Ziploc baggies (especially freezer gallon but sandwich size also) and Nalgene-type water bottles. We are doing fine with washing and reusing the baggies we brought and reusing plastic water bottles for the moment. Towels! (way too bulky to send though, but thanks for asking. Just wish I had brought more) Beach towels and bath towels are SUPER expensive and hard to find good quality. If I could trade all the Nakumatts in Nairobi for just one Target…But seriously, we don’t really feel deprived at all. Some families spend a fortune on food trying to re-create their American menus, but that seems a little crazy to us, since there is plentiful fresh food and so many new flavors to try.


5. Can you sit outside at night or are there mosquitoes?
There are very few mosquitoes here, thankfully! (We got a net for our room anyway because if there is even one mosquito on campus, it will make its way straight to my ear at night!) Most nights are beautiful here, with a warm wind. They call you outside to the veranda to just spend time. We have had several dinners al fresco because it’s too beautiful to be inside. Some day we will have a set of patio furniture and then we may just move outside for most of the year! The last few nights have been POURING rain with thunderstorms. Pretty awesome to witness. We stand outside listening to the water pound on the roof.


6. What’s the biggest bug you have seen?
Probably the giant spider climbing on our washing machine the first night we were here. Thankfully we haven’t seen many even close to that size since! There was also a pretty good sized (4 inches?) praying mantis on the table outside last night, joining us for dinner! Kirk was just remarking a few days ago that our “bug tolerance” has increased significantly. He could count 7 bugs just from where he was inside the shower. Mostly, they are harmless tiny moths, ants, or those slow, silly mosquito-eaters. Audrey looked down to find a spider on her leg the other night on the veranda and calmly shook it off (as opposed to the screaming and freaking out that normally would’ve occurred). Claire has assigned us all roles, “Ainsley gets the tiny bugs, I’ll get the small bugs, Mommy gets the medium bugs and Daddy gets the really gigantic bugs!” Lucky him!


7. Do you have a car?
We just signed a contract for one today! It’s kind of a long story (isn’t everything so far?), so more in an upcoming post that Kirk has promised to write. But it is a blue Toyota Prado (nice and tall with big bumpers!).


8. Are you learning to drive or just Kirk?
We both have driven quite a bit. Driving helps me remember the way to many places, so I’ve been eager to do so. There are no leisurely drives in Nairobi, though; you are always focused. But, I have to say that it didn’t take much time to adjust to the “other” side of the car and of the road (the girls squealed with delight the two times I hit the curb making a left turn and begged me to do it again). We usually end up turning on the windshield wipers instead of the blinker at least once during a drive, since those are switched as well! Driving is intense, but it definitely gives you a rush of adrenaline-it’s like you’ve conquered a wild beast each time you go out and navigate successfully!


9. When does Claire begin preschool?  How long and how many days a week?
Claire started preschool 3 weeks ago, when Kirk did. She is in the morning class, from 8:30-11:30. Her teacher is amazing.


10. Can you get a house helper; do you need that?
This was one of the things we have endlessly debated, on both sides of the ocean. We were told that it is pretty much “expected” that you hire anyone you can so that you provide jobs for people. It took us a month to even slightly come to terms with this concept, and Audrey just went about business as usual, hanging laundry on the line next to everyone’s househelpers. That has actually helped her learn lots of Swahili! It is amazing to Kenyans that people in America do their own chores. Most Kenyans here who are able hire househelp as well.

Honestly, it sounded like a cop-out to me (Audrey); why hire help? How do you avoid the stereotype of the country club lady with the pinky up on her iced tea (or martini)? Then, there is the question of pay, do you pay someone relatively little because that is the going rate?

We talked to a bunch of people and were finally convinced by some friends who are well respected in the Kenyan community at large. The husband works in the slums, can speak fluent Swahili, and has many Kenyan friends. They also pay twice the “going rate” because they realize how much transportation costs to get here. Their houseworker needed more days and we are giving her a trial run of 2 months. Her name is Sarah and we are all adjusting to the new role(s). There has been lots of laughter and lots of frustration. But, she is good company, is teaching me Swahili, and loves being around the girls. I am teaching her how to cook and she wants me to work on her English, but it is already quite good. It is possible I am not cut out for this since I like to do things on my own and in my own way, but we will see. If you have an image of me propping up my feet on Mondays and Wednesdays, eating bon-bons on the couch, you would be mistaken. In fact, picture the Marx Brothers on a wild day and then throw in a dead gecko (sorry Spinach), and you would have a better idea.


11. Have you all been sick at all? From food or just colds? Do people get sick regularly from the food or is it just an underlying threat?
Funny you should ask! All three girls got whatever “beginning of school bug” was going around last week, and several teachers right now have laryngitis (one remarked that her 4th graders started

Gertrude's Children's Hospital

whispering back to her, so she may on to something!).  Ainsley felt better after a day, Audrey had a fever and felt pretty bad for several days, but Claire got really sick. She has taken a nap every day (so you know she must be sick!).  We took her in to the hospital this morning to be seen and to get her some relief. The Children’s hospital is very close to our house and there is a doctor there who is
known as “Rosslyn’s doctor.” Most of the staff kids see him and he even has a son who goes here! Our neighbor gave us his cell number (!) and he met us at his office on a Sunday morning! Turns out that she has a viral infection, has some medicine, and will be taking the next few days off of school to avoid spreading her germs.

Besides that, we have been pretty healthy. We’ve heard stories of people getting really sick from food, but if you follow some common sense rules (trust the establishment, wash your produce first, ask for filtered or bottled water), the chances of being sick from food are relatively low. There is a fast food establishment down the road, “Big Square,” that our neighbor warned us to take a few months for our stomachs to adjust before trying!

* * *

Well, that's it for now, but keep the questions coming!

They have been playing "mouse house" with a neighbor girl ALL afternoon. Too cute.

Playing on a huge gravel pile: safety third (maybe)!

Busted! Eating jam from the jar!

We even eat chapati in our sleep.

Snuggling after our bath!

Daddy's famous cookies make their debut in Africa!

Too worn out to finish lunch!

"We're being scientists!"

Ainsley and I made a play kitchen under the sink! Keeping occupied while Claire is at school. 😊

Weaver bird nests right outside Claire's classroom

Shopping

On the first day in Nairobi, we went with our host family on a mind-numbing trip to the grocery store. It was one of many trips as we began to set up house and work through lists and lists of things to get. The answer to where to find any item around here seems to be “Nakumatt,” the Kenyan version of Walmart, and it is true that you can find anything from appliances, to meats, to linens, to groceries there. We have visited several over the past weeks (sometimes 2 different ones in the same day) because the stock is different in each one. That takes lots of patience and getting used to. We keep a running list of things we hope to find, so that maybe, just maybe the particular store we are at will carry it one day. It is not unlike like hunting for a unicorn-you hope very much to find one, but you realize that your chances are slim. Persistence pays off though: we eventually located both a dish drainer and a cheese grater. On the current “unicorn” list is a lint roller-we’ll keep you posted! (Check back in October, maybe) ☺ But there have some surprises too:  Bob’s Red Mill brand of grains appeared unexpectedly on the shelves! Learning that was pretty much unheard of, we stocked up because who knows when it will happen again. Our local Nakumatt has a larger selection of those specialty grains than I could even find in America outside Whole Foods! For the most part, though, the choices of everything are endless, just not in brands that we recognize. The rule of thumb is that most things you could want are available, if you are willing to pay ($6 for 8 tortillas, anyone?) ☺

Not everything comes from Nakumatt, though…

The mall near us is very upscale and full of specialty art shops, but besides the Nakumatt there, it is not very practical. The supermarket is good for staple groceries, small housewares, but not much else. When you need furniture, you go to a vendor on the side of the road and either pick from that selection or from a catalogue of choices and have it made. When you need clothes, shoes, or rugs, you head to Toi Market.

On the Monday after we arrived, our host mom took me and another mom to Nairobi’s famous Toi Market (this place has a fascinating history and a surprising link to the Bill & Melinda Gates foundation!) This may be the picture that some of you may have in your mind when you think of shopping in Kenya. It is the definition of sensory overload and a place where bartering is an art form (so basically, I loved every minute). Only later did I find out that going to Toi is not something people do right away; most colleagues waited months to brave Toi-but, when you don’t know any better, you just do things because these cold floors need rugs! If we need clothes, this is where I’ll head-but you have to be in the mood to sort and argue and sort through some more. It was helpful to be with Nancy because she expertly led us past hundreds of stalls to the “back” where the real bargains are. Imagine stalls with low tables the size of a full-sized bed piled 2 feet high with clothing or bedding or shoes. Those are helpful; otherwise I spent lots of time on my knees digging through piles on the ground next to a trench running throughout filled with trash and other less-desirable refuse. Some stalls specialize and only carry one item, like jeans, children’s clothing, or t-shirts. Some areas have piles that are marked 20/50/100 shillings-no negotiating. Every other price is generally up for debate. It was exhilarating and exhausting. The prowess of those businessmen and women was not to be denied. They know value, and quality, and how to bargain. They spend their entire day sorting and resorting then folding and arranging their wares. The place is hard to imagine: we spent 5 hours there and saw maybe 10% of the entire market.

Ever wonder where all those clothes you send to the Goodwill go after you clean out your closets? Many end up here in Africa. I saw several items with their Goodwill tags still attached (along with a few of their Irish and English counterparts). A shirt marked $3 for Goodwill was a steal on the 20shilling table. All the brands were there and for the persistent, an entire designer wardrobe could be had for next to nothing. Some stalls had sewing machines and dressing rooms for on-the-spot tailoring.






Another famous shopping destination here is Biashara Street. It is the place to go for fabric and sewing items. Like Toi, it is not a place to go without an experienced guide on your first time; I’m hoping to join a trip of colleagues soon so I can look for some fabric for curtains in the girl’s room and the kitchen.

All this specialized shopping and trips to multiple versions of the same store can be tiresome. If you know me at all you know how little patience I have for shopping stateside most days. I nearly broke out in hives after all the constant shopping we had to do in the first few weeks as we worked to get our house functional. We are (happily) set up now, things are in working order, and I have (hopefully!) cut the shopping down to once a week for necessities. You can try to run a typical North-American household here, but it will cost you in money, time, and sanity! For our part, we have decided to live more simply. We noticed right away that the staples of a Kenyan household are cheap and everything else we are used to is expensive. When looking for a clothes hamper to hold dirty clothes and take clean clothes out to the line, we found a few cheaply made, flimsy hampers in the 600 shilling ($7.50) range and then some really great ones-just like they have at home at Target!-for 2,500 shillings ($31). Yikes. “What is this?” we asked. Many expats refer to this price-break as Kenyan prices and “Embassy prices.” Embassy workers (from all countries) generally get paid astronomical wages by local standards, and so stores have begun to cater to this clientele by offering products that they are used to at insane prices because they can afford them. This puts many things out of reach for typical Kenyans and for other non-embassy employees as well. Needless to say, we ended up with a perfectly serviceable, shockingly orange tub instead.

-I finally bit the bullet and bought an ironing board (at Nakumatt of course!) right before school started because we needed to get Kirk’s work clothes ready. Let me tell you it was a struggle and I put it off for weeks because of the price tag (yes, I’m still talking about an ironing board). The going rate for a standard ironing board here is 4,350 Kenyan shillings; even before you convert it, your brain is telling you that there should not be 1,000s of shillings attached to such an item (it’s around $54). If you remember Kirk’s post about his haircut (~700 shillings) you start to get an idea of the economy we are in: services (and labor in general) are shockingly cheap and goods (especially imported ones) are shockingly expensive. This has brought us much philosophical distress at times (what?!?!? $54 for an ironing board!??! Ok, I am clearly still not over that one). Joking aside, it is vitally important to us to pay a fair wage for the services we receive. The average daily wage for a gardener is 500 shillings, which puts things in stark perspective.

We hope you enjoyed your economics lesson for the day. It is impossible not to be affected by the stratification. Please pray that we will find ways to live within this society in a way that is respectful of the economic situation of people we encounter, and that we use our relative wealth wisely and in a way that improves their lives and allows for greater economic opportunity. This includes the mindset of expats-that providing an honest job is important, but that paying more for services could make a huge difference in people’s lives. Revolution coming soon!

Slowly By Slowly

The first week Kirk went to work was hard. When he was gone full time for orientation, I think we all had a rough time. Reality set in that this was now where we lived, not just an exciting place to explore as a family. And day-to-day is not exciting, or marvelous, it is routines and grocery shopping and lots of time to sit and think about what I can (or mostly cannot) or should be doing.

I am still trying to figure out how to tell about it. But before I try, let me begin with thanks. Many people have asked lately what I am learning. What an insightful and thoughtful question. We have felt an outpouring of love and support from everyone we love and are far away from. We have gotten texts, emails (even cards!!) and had Skype conversations. These things have kept me going. I am so grateful for the people behind this screen, for your interest and curiosity about how we are, for your friendship. I will write you back! I am already in a better place to do so, so please be patient. Each word you wrote, each conversation, has buoyed me through some tough days.

We have a friend who confided that during her first year here she went to bed at 7:30pm each night because she was so completely exhausted every day. I understand this. Instead of writing about our experiences to help me process, instead of responding to loved ones who are reaching out, I crawl into bed drained at the end of each day. Worn out by the minutiae of every little thing. We learned in orientation that this is a real thing, the cost of adjustment on your body. It is called cultural fatigue, and I think I’m full in it.

“Cultural fatigue is an occasional part of travel, it is a sign that you have collected enough experiences to begin seeing through the outer crust of a place, that the patterns of a culture are making themselves known to you, that you are getting down to the deeper layers of the cultural spider web. All “culture” is a set of behavioral patterns, so getting to know these patterns — even though occasionally onerous — is part of the learning process of travel.

When you begin feeling fatigued in a culture for the first time, treat it as a sign of learning — the patterns that you observe are beginning to come together, the people are becoming more real, you are beginning to see through your inter-cultural blinders, and you are beginning to see not only another culture but your place in it. Knowing your place — how you are viewed — in another country is perhaps what breaks many travelers. The lack of respect that they are shown is often too much to handle: they become fatigued, explode, and go home. Cultural fatigue is perhaps a defensive mechanism, a way of closing the doors that you’ve opened into a culture because you don’t like what you see. You get angry over the small stuff

Travel is about self mastery. You will never master another place, another culture, another person, but you can attempt to master yourself. Facing the same little battles daily on the road is fatiguing, but there is not anything you can do about it: you can’t control another person, but you can control how you react to them.

Ironically, it is good that I feel so tired; it means that I am learning. That I am taking things in slowly by slowly and trying to make sense of things. I must resolve to react well, in a way that allows me to keep learning.

So what am I learning?
-To practice contentment.
-To be thankful in all circumstances.
-That joy is a choice and my attitude shapes everything for better or for worse.

These lessons have followed me to the other side of the world. These are the constant lessons I have faced my entire life. Except now there is a new lens through which I view them.

Since the first Sunday that we arrived, the church on campus has been doing a series called “The Comparison Trap.” It’s like they knew I was coming. I think part of the problem is that I am comparing my experiences to the idealized versions that I imagine others are having. The speaker emphasized having confidence in the unique way I was made, not to compare myself and how I’m doing to others because there will always be someone who is “-er” than me. Then he warned about certain people who aren’t content with just being “-er” but strive to be “-est” and I started squirming in my seat.

Right there in my journal, I wrote: “Expectations kill contentment”

What did I really expect?

I don’t think I expected the struggles of day-to-day life. Acutely feeling like an outsider. I am trying to figure out my role here, my place, to be known again. We are each struggling to do this.

I never expected that I would burst into tears while filling out the emergency contact form for Claire’s preschool. Who could we list? We have no friends! And then, as my self pity quieted down a little, I could hear the whispers…you have your host family who did so much to get you on your feet, you have your next-door neighbors who you are building a friendship with each afternoon as you watch the kids play together. Slowly by slowly it comes.

Then I read this blog on August 14th, from a mom and a writer that I respect; she shared her wishes for her son going off to college. Her hope that he remembers the love in their family more than the subjects she taught him. I think on these things as I realize that preschool is not college, but it is one more milestone, one more marker for me to stop by and notice. To remember what is important. To be sure that the “where” doesn’t matter about our lives, but the “how.” How will I react? How will I love?

“God didn’t put people in your path mostly for your convenience; He put you there for theirs. Loving the poor will make you rich, I promise.

The only life worth living is the one lost.

And no matter how loud and crazy and broken the world is, child, Let joy live loud in your soul.”

All my expectations of myself begin with “shoulds.” I should be ________ by now. I should know more Swahili by now. I should have more friends by now. And then I wonder where I got this crazy timeline anyway. I think a lot of the frustration comes from focusing on these wishful targets instead of taking in the moments as they come, and remembering what is important.

There is a phrase in Swahili that I have heard a lot lately. The Kenyans I try to talk to are patient and kind and they say to me that “it will come, pole pole (slowly by slowly).” This is encouraging to me. I will borrow from their confidence.

So, as we learn to live somewhere else, or as we learn a new role, or as we learn to accept where we are right now, let us not waste time comparing. Let us embrace our unique time and place and let us not forget to stop and show love. Let us love ourselves, too, so we can accept our life. Let us learn to let go of expectations and to let joy live loud in our souls.

Audrey's cappuccino at Java House. Lunch on the way to the giraffe center!

A Rosslyn PE class learning baseball: base running before hitting.

Weekly summary of preschool, and our safari list!

Um. So. Did NOT realize that the mosquito net with the fun stripes is also ELECTRIC BLUE. This is a fashion statement I did not intend to make lol. I think this one will be living outside on the veranda soon. Oh my. For the record, Claire thinks it is "great!"

Waiting for sissy on her second day of school!

A great first day! Teachers AND students had a great experience. Here is Claire with her awesome teacher, Ms. Ross, the classroom aide, Ms. Dorinah, and one of her new friends & classmates.

First day all school assembly at Rosslyn Academy, Nairobi, Kenya. Singing "God of Angel Armies."

Found a hippo! In the library, of course!

Missing sissy!

Signing in!

my Cubby!

First day of school breakfast...by candlelight! ...The power went out right after we woke up and it's been pouring rain outside since midnight 😱

In case it seemed that all our posts were impossibly ideal, here is a shot of everyday life:laundry that has been on the line 2 days. Welcome to the Land of Eternal Dampness!

Claire posing with all her preschool gear. School starts Tuesday!

The girls choose this double hook for a room decoration, a dancing girl-perfect for them!

Ainsley showing her true, monster-y self.

My new teaching home. I especially like the sign outside.

A rare glimpse of our house gecko...Claire named him Spinach Gray, and he lives in their room under the dresser!

Nyama Choma for staff lunch on the first day of all staff meetings!

Claire's new favorite ice cream: kesar badam pista.

Swinging at the Mennonite guest house.

Dinner out for our 11th anniversary.

Ainsley pulled the platter over to get more!

Ainsley enjoys Ethiopian food! Everybody else at the table was impressed that our girls both chowed down.

Ethiopian food!