“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one
wild and precious life?”
–Mary Oliver
That is the opening
quote to a novel I’m reading called Joy for Beginners. The premise is a
woman given a second lease on life is challenged to do something she is afraid
of. So she in turn challenges each of her friends to do one thing in the next
year that pushes them as well. I like this idea of a community supporting one
another as they encourage growth at the same time. It’s all part of the theme
of my life right now, I guess.
It has been heartening
to hear your encouragement. We value your support more than you know. We hold
on to those kind words like life rafts when the tough times come. (We even saved a particularly encouraging
message on our answering machine!)
One word keeps
repeating, but I’m not sure if I’m really that.
BRAVE.
I’m pretty sure I’m
not.
So…I woke up one week
after our decision thinking about Indiana Jones and Elsa from Frozen. Which is
not that weird if you think about it (child of the eighties + parent of two
young girls); who could escape those references? Maybe it was just my brain
trying to make sense of the changes that were happening. A metaphor to help me
explain what I am feeling. When it breaks down-and it will-just remember that I
don’t teach English, that’s Kirk’s job. J I’ve been stewing on
this for a while, trying to make sense of it…here is my best attempt to date.
The week leading up to
our decision was INTENSE. The list of pros and cons is LONG. My heart skipped a
beat as we hit send on the acceptance letter.
And then the
confirmations started POURING in. (That list deserves it’s own post in the
future.)
The feeling of
inadequacy is heightened just before a decision.
We have had many
challenges, but each one has been provided for. There are days that are really
hard (and many more to come), but under it all is a sense of calm. A sense of
being on the right path.
I had that moment’s
hesitation so aptly portrayed as Elsa and Indiana Jones raised their foot to
step on the path. Was there a bridge across the chasm? Was she really able to
create an ice stairway that she could walk on?
And then, in each case,
the ground held. Each was on a solid surface.
EVEN THOUGH IT MADE NO
SENSE.
There was a purpose-a
goal. Elsa was given powers and she had to learn to control them-so she had to
test their limits. Indy was given a quest-he had a purpose.
I’m not saying I’m a
magical ice-queen or that I am worthy of finding the Holy Grail. HOWEVER, I do
feel a confidence that I’m on the right path. For me, I think that each step
along this journey will be like that. A sickening sense of not seeing the next
step, but having the TRUST to make it.
Bravery is not about
courage so much as it is about trust. Trust that the purpose, the outcome, is
worth it.
I trust that we are on
the right path as a family.
Even though, on some days IT MAKES NO SENSE.
Being brave does not
mean being without fear.
“The fear of death
follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any
time.” Now, before you think I’m about to get all preachy here, consider who
wrote this: Mark Twain (definitely no preacher!).
You cannot discount the
power of fear. It has held me back from many things in life. I have often been
afraid of what people would think of me if I said or did what was in my heart.
I have been afraid of failing and looking like a fool. I have been afraid of
being uncomfortable. Fear of the unknown and feeling uncertain have paralyzed
me many, many times in my life.
“See, fear isn’t a
small thing—we are wasting our lives on it.” –Jennie Allen
So…this is easier said
than done. That is why I am trying to replace fear with trust and a desire to
live my life to the fullest. To be an example for my girls. To show them that
nothing is impossible.
So, Brave? I don’t
know. I think maybe I am just one step closer to living the life I’m supposed
to. I think we all have our own “Africa”…so maybe this sounds crazy to you. But
you may be called to do something I could never in a million years imagine.
“Feed your fears and
your faith will starve. Feed your faith, and your fears will.” ― Max Lucado
I think this takes
practice. Which sounds hard to me most days. Practice is that work I didn’t
want to do to get better at the piano. It doesn’t sound like a glorious
adventure to practice trust. Maybe it is…
I hope that this gets
easier.
One. Step. At. A. Time.
What about you? I’d
love to hear about something that fear has kept you from doing. Would you be
willing to share? Maybe we can all encourage each other to trust more that
things will work out. To live with less fear
On the flip side, I
sure would love to hear about a time that you were brave. What was it like? We
could rejoice in that together!
