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| Waiting to vote in Isiolo County, in northern Kenya. |
It sometimes seems as though Africa is a place you go to wait. Many Africans I met said the same thing, but uncomplainingly, for most lived their lives with a fatalistic patience. Outsiders see Africa as a continent delayed—economies in suspension, societies up in the air, politics and human rights put on hold, communities throttled or stopped. ‘Not yet,’ voices of authority have cautioned Africans throughout the years of colonization and independence. But African time was not the same as American time. One generation in the West was two generations in Africa…
As African time passed I surmised that the pace of Western countries was insane, that the speed of modern technology accomplished nothing, and that because Africa was going its own way at its own pace for its own reasons, it was a refuge and a resting place, the last territory to light out for. I surmised this, I did not always feel it; I am impatient by nature.
– Dark Star Safari by Paul Theroux, ch 11 p 237
Every word of this quote resonated with me. It does a good job of explaining the relationship with time here that we alternately love and go crazy from.
I came across a piece of writing (see below) as I was cleaning things out—it was written September 5th, 2014-two months after we arrived. I was frustrated with not feeling like I fit in. It still holds true today, even though circumstances are completely different. Maybe this is because the search for meaning is never-ending, that I am always seeking to put down roots, that this current time of transition throws all these big ideas back into sharp focus.
We have learned a lot, we have moved forward. We have grown as a family and our priorities have become clearer. I guess I can learn a lot from my past self, and it’s funny how at the end of my reflection, I arrived at the same conclusion as I do now about
leaving.
And now, as we wait some more, I find this quote as I teach a Bible Study designed to help us understand how each part of our lives (the good and the bad) is woven together with the others into a plan about what we were made to do:
I am beginning to think God’s favorite word in the entire universe is wait. He doesn’t use it a lot in the Bible, but we all know it’s true. He loves to make us all wait. There is a season for everything, and racing around a track with your gifts and vision in Technicolor may not be for today. But he is working in the waiting.
—Restless by Jennie Allen, pg. 102, emphasis mine
It comes down to contentment, I think. Acceptance. I don’t mean inertia and status quo-but having a sense of where you are, what has brought you there, and looking ahead with hope toward the next step down the road. Waiting is not as dreaded
now; I’m trying to embrace it. That doesn’t mean I enjoy it, but I am recognizing that waiting is not the time of “nothing” that I thought it was. Things are happening, under the surface, changes are being made in me.
Even if all we can see is the very next baby step, waiting has its merits. All we can do is to focus on the now, to be present with the people around us. To be grateful for what we have now. We have no idea what lies in store—there is no job, no home waiting for us. Yet.
But we hope. And we trust.
So, we focus on today, we take stock of our blessings, we stop to play with our kids, or pick flowers for a neighbor. We can hope to carry these priorities into our next place—in America, the land of the busy.
In Africa, everything takes longer than I tend to think it “should.” It has a been a huge challenge to slow down enough and be flexible enough and patient enough to not let this drive us crazy. The benefit is that this place really has become a “refuge and a resting place” for us.
We are waiting right now to know where to go next. For Kirk to get a job. To know where our next home will be.
So, here’s to waiting. To learning from it. Gracefully.
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Ug...waiting
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| The face I make when I think about waiting |
Waiting-September 5, 2014
Right now, if I had to explain what I’m learning, it would be this: I am learning to wait. Gracefully.
I’ve never been good at waiting (in line, for kids, anything). Heck, I’ve never even done anything gracefully (dancing, accepting complements, asking for forgiveness).
So. This lesson is a double-whammy that just may refine me deeply.
I see glimmers of acceptance (of who I am, of others where they are at)
I try to use this time to focus on being excellent in each little thing. Because, that could be THE thing that matters. And usually I’m too busy to notice. Mostly I’ve spent life looking ahead to the “big things.” But there is always more…
What can I do as I wait? What holds me back from moving forward? Thoughts about who I am and how I am…”If only I was ________, then I could ________.” Those blanks can be completed hundreds of different ways, on any given day. But here’s the TRUTH: I am like this right now. I look like this, I act this way. I think like this. I’m built this way. I am loved like this, too. If I let myself be.
I can accept where I am, I can look for ways to engage. I can act.
Who knows what could happen?
