More thoughts on Bravery

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?” 

–Mary Oliver

That is the opening quote to a novel I’m reading called Joy for Beginners. The premise is a woman given a second lease on life is challenged to do something she is afraid of. So she in turn challenges each of her friends to do one thing in the next year that pushes them as well. I like this idea of a community supporting one another as they encourage growth at the same time. It’s all part of the theme of my life right now, I guess.

It has been heartening to hear your encouragement. We value your support more than you know. We hold on to those kind words like life rafts when the tough times come.  (We even saved a particularly encouraging message on our answering machine!)

One word keeps repeating, but I’m not sure if I’m really that.

BRAVE.

I’m pretty sure I’m not.

So…I woke up one week after our decision thinking about Indiana Jones and Elsa from Frozen. Which is not that weird if you think about it (child of the eighties + parent of two young girls); who could escape those references? Maybe it was just my brain trying to make sense of the changes that were happening. A metaphor to help me explain what I am feeling. When it breaks down-and it will-just remember that I don’t teach English, that’s Kirk’s job. J I’ve been stewing on this for a while, trying to make sense of it…here is my best attempt to date.

The week leading up to our decision was INTENSE. The list of pros and cons is LONG. My heart skipped a beat as we hit send on the acceptance letter.

And then the confirmations started POURING in. (That list deserves it’s own post in the future.)

The feeling of inadequacy is heightened just before a decision.

We have had many challenges, but each one has been provided for. There are days that are really hard (and many more to come), but under it all is a sense of calm. A sense of being on the right path.

I had that moment’s hesitation so aptly portrayed as Elsa and Indiana Jones raised their foot to step on the path. Was there a bridge across the chasm? Was she really able to create an ice stairway that she could walk on?

And then, in each case, the ground held. Each was on a solid surface.

EVEN THOUGH IT MADE NO SENSE.

There was a purpose-a goal. Elsa was given powers and she had to learn to control them-so she had to test their limits. Indy was given a quest-he had a purpose.

I’m not saying I’m a magical ice-queen or that I am worthy of finding the Holy Grail. HOWEVER, I do feel a confidence that I’m on the right path. For me, I think that each step along this journey will be like that. A sickening sense of not seeing the next step, but having the TRUST to make it.

Bravery is not about courage so much as it is about trust. Trust that the purpose, the outcome, is worth it.

I trust that we are on the right path as a family. 

Even though, on some days IT MAKES NO SENSE.

Being brave does not mean being without fear.

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” Now, before you think I’m about to get all preachy here, consider who wrote this: Mark Twain (definitely no preacher!).

You cannot discount the power of fear. It has held me back from many things in life. I have often been afraid of what people would think of me if I said or did what was in my heart. I have been afraid of failing and looking like a fool. I have been afraid of being uncomfortable. Fear of the unknown and feeling uncertain have paralyzed me many, many times in my life.

“See, fear isn’t a small thing—we are wasting our lives on it.” –Jennie Allen

So…this is easier said than done. That is why I am trying to replace fear with trust and a desire to live my life to the fullest. To be an example for my girls. To show them that nothing is impossible.

So, Brave? I don’t know. I think maybe I am just one step closer to living the life I’m supposed to. I think we all have our own “Africa”…so maybe this sounds crazy to you. But you may be called to do something I could never in a million years imagine.

“Feed your fears and your faith will starve. Feed your faith, and your fears will.” ― Max Lucado

I think this takes practice. Which sounds hard to me most days. Practice is that work I didn’t want to do to get better at the piano. It doesn’t sound like a glorious adventure to practice trust. Maybe it is…

I hope that this gets easier.

One. Step. At. A. Time.

What about you? I’d love to hear about something that fear has kept you from doing. Would you be willing to share? Maybe we can all encourage each other to trust more that things will work out. To live with less fear

On the flip side, I sure would love to hear about a time that you were brave. What was it like? We could rejoice in that together!